Leaving the Nest

photos by Jack Oates

My father recently photographed a family of robins in their nest—from the early days of tending the eggs, to indefatigably feeding the demanding chicks, to the chicks taking flight, and one final farewell (and snack) from the edge of the yard. Dad almost captured the moment when the last chick left, but the movement of his camera so startled the chick that she leapt off the nest, careened through the air and crash-landed on the opposite side of the yard.

In two days I take my second (and last) child to her freshman year in college (hopefully without the crash landing): the proverbial “empty nest”. I have the usual mix of emotions: relief (they launched!), fear (they launched!), liberty (a quiet house!), loneliness (a quiet house!), excitement (what’s next?), unmoored (what’s next?). As I enjoy Dad’s pictures, I’ve contemplated the empty nest—as in completely empty. You don’t see Mama and Papa Robin moping forlornly in the nest (or throwing a block party for that matter). They are gone, too. Life has it’s seasons, and this one has passed. Time to let go--leave the nest. And yet....

Whether one has children or not, there comes a point in middle age when you think: Is this all? What do I want to leave behind? Do I have unfulfilled dreams and how will I honor that impulse? Do I need to learn to accept life’s disappointments or risk a new challenge (even if I fail)? And the philosophers among us keep asking: Why am I here? What is all this living for? What does anything really mean in the face of decay and mortality?

I am grateful to have recently been introduced to a wonderful new podcast created by Mark Peres titled (aptly) “On Life and Meaning”.  He interviews people from disparate professions and cultures about what gives their life meaning—from the famous (Peter Reinhart, baker, writer, educator) to the not-so-famous (me). I reflect on my life and what propelled me into songwriting and performing again. I also play the two songs I dedicated to my children: “When Dragons Were Real” (coming out on cd soon!) and “Edge of a Hurricane”. Having children reconnected me to my own childhood—that sense of wonder, joy, and unbridled hope and love—only to lose it all over again when my children grew up. And now the specter of time and frailty looms, and the world seeming even darker and hate-filled than ever before. At times like these it seems even more important not to let go, but to hold on to that wonder and hope and love that still lives within us all.

The rain our hearts need

Why did I write a song about a rain storm? Every songwriter knows that moment when a song idea strikes like lightening. (Roseanne Cash talks about songwriting as needing a big net to catch the songs). The best written songs contain evocative imagery (the maxim "show--don't tell" is drilled into writers), so it was helpful to me that it was an image (not a phrase or a tune) that grabbed me (a rainstorm across a long valley in Montana). You can listen to the song and the introduction in the video above taped at the 1200-seat Knight Theatre in Charlotte, NC. I performed Something True in April at the "Tosco Music Party" (a quarterly showcase of regional and national musicians). That evening was special for me as John Tosco (who created and hosts TMP) taught me how to play guitar, and it is John who introduces me on the video.

What I don't describe in the video is that it took me several years to write Something True, and the song went through many versions. I took it to 3 songwriting workshops before getting a thumbs up (and would have given up on the song if Charlotte lyricist Sarah Williams hadn't told me so emphatically to keep working on it). I knew I wanted to write about how fragile human relationships are—but in a general way so that it could apply to many situations (and any gender). I wanted to convey that moment with someone that is so freighted with meaning  you can feel the electricity in the air —like someone on a death bed, or a couple about to break up, or a new friendship. I have pages of notes on imagery and rhymes to use for the verses. I started with the very first line (Tell me something true) and the bridge (in which I use the metaphor of a building storm to convey that freighted moment:

But the words fly around without making a sound

Clouding up with anger and fear

Then dry up in the air in unspoken despair

like rain

that never hits ground

But in the workshops, the feedback I received was that so many images got confusing and no one understood the metaphor of what rain not hitting the ground meant. One workshop participant wanted me to cut the bridge (a suggestion I knew I needed to ignore). Listeners wanted a chorus, but all I heard was the bridge. Finally someone in the final workshop said, "what does the singer want?" And I immediately responded: "Let me in!" And there was the chorus. Charlotte singer/songwriter DeWitt Crosby told me to listen to Ellis Paul's "Take Me to a Drive-in Movie" as an example of an effective, simple chorus. Immediately the chorus came to me. I could hear how I would hold the first syllable of the word "open" for a full measure to convey the long lonely vowel sound).

I originally wrote the song for the piano. In fact, Chris Rosser plays piano in the version recorded for my full cd: "Play Me" (unreleased). But the version on the EP is for the guitar (and is how I play the song at gigs). Guitar allows me to use a picking pattern (evocative of rain) gradually shifting the chords up the neck of the guitar during the bridge—dropping out the bass and any other low sounds to mimic rain (and words) evaporating.

"Something True" earned its place as the title song for this EP because I worked so hard and long on it. But it also makes for a great thematic image for the 5-song cd. The songs are all about navigating the storms of life (especially relationships), so it is a perfect image to use. I delayed the ep release for 3 months so  the talented graphic artist, Matthew Fleming, could design the cd cover. He incorporated a photo of a storm with the rain not reaching the ground on both the back cover of my cd (in the song list) and again on the front cover (in the logo). (Matthew's artwork is another excellent reason to purchase the cd! Email me and I'll send you one....info@katieoatesmusic.com). Enjoy the song in whatever form you prefer--add it to your playlists (if you stream), but most of all, share it with someone you love. May we all receive the rain our hearts so desperately need.

Music in Times of Sorrow and Loss

My beloved grandmother (Mildred Coit Oates Zimmer) died this past spring. Born in South Korea, the daughter of missionary parents, she spent most of her life in Eastern Tennessee—Sweetwater—where over 80 of her direct descendants recently gathered to celebrate her life.

Nana's great-grandchildren singing "Shall We Gather at the River" graveside in Sweetwater, TN

Nana (my sister’s and my nickname for her) and I shared a love of music. My grandfather was a professional singer before deciding the life of an opera singer was not for him. Throughout most of his life he sang for church events—frequently joined by my grandmother. I loved seeing them stand before a crowd to sing the old hymns. 

Although Nana had dementia in her final years, when I last visited her and sang some old hymns to her, she joined right in. She did not know who she was or any of her family in those last years, but she remembered the words to songs.

Ani Patel of The Neurosciences Institute in San Diego thinks the origins of human language came through song: "'We feel music just taps into this kind of pre-cognitive archaic part of ourselves,' he says. So it seems to make sense that music came 'before we had this complicated articulate language that we use to do abstract thinking.'"

Whether that hypothesis is ever proven, I agree that music reaches something in us beyond thought or even emotion. I am forgetful—often not able to remember important events or people or places.But I am sure that no matter how old I get I will probably, unfortunately, still be able to sing the grade school song about counties in SC, commercial jingles or the theme to "The Brady Bunch."  I hope I'll also remember lyrics to my favorite songs I love as I age. Whether singing or listening—many of the songs I have loved over the years are songs that connect me to myself or to other people. The songs bring me comfort like few other things do.

May your heart be comforted by music as it has comforted my grandmother, my family, and me.

Singing "I'll Fly Away" with my Dad (Jack, on left) and Uncle Rob at Nana's service. 

Frequently Asked Questions about Hosting a House Concert

So WHAT is a house concert?

• concert: attendees come to listen to performer, give a donation and buy cds 
• held at a private venue (public can’t “drop in”)
• NOT a business; it is illegal in most states/counties to operate a music club or sell alcohol out of a private home.
• NOT a house party (people socializing or dancing with music in background—that’s a different kind of music event)

How do house concerts differ from other music venues?

• small, intimate; everyone sits quietly and listens
• chance to meet musician, more personal experience than club (artists usually chat with attendees during the break and afterwards)
• attendees often initially attend because of the host/friends who are going (as opposed to planning a night at a club where they go because of the artist and don’t expect to know anyone)
• but once the evening begins, it is a chance to hear music and meet an artist attendees would not have found on their own

Do hosts guarantee artists a certain income?

Not usually. I only know of a couple of circumstances in which house concert hosts have guaranteed a minimum payment to artists (bands/big name artists). I never guarantee a minimum income to the artist when I host. (But I do work very hard to get as many people there as I can—and push cd sales. With the rise of streaming services, playing gigs are artists’ best source of income. The artists will not come back if they lose money playing at my house concert.)

When do attendees pay (advance or at the door)?

It can be difficult to persuade people to pay in advance (unless they think the event will sell out) so it has to be easy (paypal, venmo, etc. offer easy one-click kinds of payments). Though some people may still prefer to mail a check. You’ll want to keep track of who has paid in advance and who you need to collect from at the door (and if payments are made to you then you will need to write the artist a check at the end of the night).

HOW are house concerts advertised?

• artist promotes event through newsletters, website and social media
• artist provides promotional material to host in preferred formats (for email, social media, facebook events, etc.) as well as links to professional videos (a must for an unknown artist)
• hosts use their personal networks and email lists to advertise event
• if advertised publicly, do NOT list the event location: use an email or phone # for people to find out details about where and when and how to reserve a seat
• often an “old school” face to face invitation (or text or phone call) is the best way to generate interest in attending, but try to get a written confirmation (either via a check or email) to confirm a verbal response 

What about food?

• often potluck (people bring food and drink to share
• if hosts provide food, they can charge more (I’ve charged $30-$50 for wine, food, and concert) and then funnel more money to the artist through my food donation).

What about alcohol?

This decision is up to the hosts’ comfort level/budget. Generally people do enjoy having alcohol (either served or byob).

How do people RSVP?

Usually the host handles RSVPs because they know the attendees and can best judge from response rate if they should expand the invitation list or warn attendees that seats are becoming scarce. If you post or share a Facebook event, make sure people understand that marking “interested” or “going” on Facebook does not constitute an rsvp. They must send you a check or an email to confirm a seat.

When do attendees pay (advance or at the door)?

It can be difficult to persuade people to pay in advance (unless they think the event will sell out) so it has to be easy (paypal, venmo, etc. offer easy one-click kinds of payments). Though some people may still prefer to mail a check. You’ll want to keep track of who has paid in advance and who you need to collect from at the door (and if payments are made to you then you will need to write the artist a check at the end of the night)

How do hosts track responses?

As people respond, cut and paste their emails into a document. Also note their actual names (often can’t tell from email), number of attendees and if they paid in advance (and how much). This document will be helpful before (track responses), during (collect money) and after (to give the artist emails from the event—often I will write folks to thank them and share pictures or video of the evening; my newsletter contains an unsubscribe link for those who don’t want to be contacted in the future).

How much do tickets cost?

It varies widely depending on food/wine served, type of event, etc. but generally $10-15 per person. You can say “suggested donations” if you prefer. Either way make it clear that all proceeds go to the artist/s. The host can’t use the event to make money as this would potentially conflict with zoning laws about music clubs and venues. I have sometimes reimbursed hosts for expenses they incurred or donated part of the proceeds to charities. But it is best from a legal perspective and my own bookkeeping if all the proceeds first go to me and then I write a personal check as a donation.

Does the host need to have a big room?

You’d be surprised how many people can pack into a small space, but you do want to make sure that everyone can see and is comfortable. My home does not have big rooms at all.  Most of the house concerts I have attended and performed for have been in modest homes. The only logistical problem with small spaces is providing enough circulation space for before and after the concert for people to mill around. So sometimes moving furniture temporarily out of the room can be helpful.

What about chairs?

• Any assortment of couches/chairs, etc. will work. Folding chairs are most efficient (though not as comfortable). You can ask people to bring their own or borrow some folding chairs from a church/friend/venue to have on hand just in case
• It can also be helpful to ask a good friend or two to sit on the front row—those seats are often left empty and no one who arrives late will walk to the front to sit in them
• Some people are always most comfortable standing (in most cases just by the door in case they want to/need to make a quick exit…

How many people generally attend?

It depends on the space and the artist’s needs. When I host I try to get at least 15 people to attend (and have had as many as 35-50). I try to overbook as there are always “no shows”—even if tickets are prepaid.

Does the host need to provide a sound system?

Even in small spaces it can be nice to have the “presence” that a sound system provides, but it is not necessary. When I travel locally, I bring my own sound system, but I do not bring a system on an airplane. If you have a musician friend who has a system they would loan (and or—bless them—they wouldn’t mind setting up and running for the evening) by all means try to work it out.

What is the length of the performance/evening?

If a meal is going to be served (or people bringing), it’s good to plan for an hour between the time you tell people to get there and the time the artist starts playing. Artists often perform two 30-45 minute sets with an intermission (traditional audience expectation, but also because that is when most people buy cds). I am open to hosts’ preferences as to length of evening (and what else might be planned). Audiences sometimes enjoy one longer set (@45-50 minutes) with time to socialize (and buy cds!) afterwards.

What kinds of artists perform at house concerts?

Everyone: from really big names to independent artists like me

Why do artists like house concerts?

• attentive audience
• reach new fans
• often free place to stay, sometimes a meal,
• income from house concert is often more than a club will provide/promise

What do hosts get out of hosting a house concert?

• get to know professional musicians personally (several long-term friendships have arisen with folks I have hosted)
• develop deeper relationships with current friends
• widen network of friends through common interests (I’ve formed many new friendships through the folks who have attended my house concerts)

Behind the scenes: creating the "Something True" cd

How do we find contentment in a world filled with such sorrow, brokenness, and injustice? Not an easy question to answer, but that is one of the themes underlying the songs on my first EP of original songs: finding laughter in the depths of sorrow, recognizing the constant yearning for the past and the future, facing a bully, and trying to connect with others through music. The video has clips of me talking about the songs on the EP as well as fun behind the scenes footage of the recording process and live performances.  

I am amazed by the number of talented, creative and supportive people who contributed to recording my first cd of original songs—many of whom make cameo appearances on the video. There are also fun glimpses of family and friends who have been so supportive over these past few years. So very grateful to you all! 

Artists seen on video include: Chris Rosser, Bob Malone, Eliot Wadopian, Dan Hood, Al Sergel, Tim and Sarah Williams, and Cheryl Hoover. Studio scenes shot at GAT3 in Charlotte, NC (Wade Starnes at engineer board) and Stone Temple Studios  (Robert George, engineer). The video was shot and edited by Levin Chaskey (Charlotte Star Room) with additional footage from Wes Cobb.

Our need for connection

We can access any person, answer any question, find any form of entertainment with a device that fits in the palm of our hand virtually connecting us to the world. But we feel as lost and disconnected as ever. I think it's that "virtual" part that is the problem. Nothing substitutes for person to person, face to face connection. 

My recent house concert tour in the Northwest confirmed this simple fact again for me. I can play or stream a song anytime anywhere but hearing an artist in person moves and connects me to my heart and head and to other people more than almost anything else I do.

It's about as old-fashioned as you can get: standing in someone's living room with no lights, no sound system, just a voice and a guitar telling stories and singing songs.

The biggest acts of generosity came from the hosts (Mary Edwards & Ann Joyce, Nancy & Alan Spragins, and Ann Dasch & Tony Allport) who opened up their homes (and did all the cleaning, cooking and preparation that often entails) and invited friends and colleagues. I'm also grateful to the people who attended--extendingthemselves to hear something new and to my classmates from Davidson College who drove an hour and took a ferry to see me and hear the concert (surprising each other on the ferry). 

The concerts themselves were magical: laughter, feet tapping, two standing ovations (!). I especially remember: my friend Mary (whom I have always been in awe of) telling the crowd about the first time she heard me sing, the woman wiping tears away from her face during "Laughing Through My Tears" (I learned later she is caring for a dying friend), my sister Nancy introducing me and saying me she is proud of me (most sisters never get to hear those words), two people saying a public thank you in a church prayer for the spiritual I had just sung, and the woman who yelled out "but is it a cover if you sing it better than the original?" making me totally crack up on stage. I had long conversations with friends and family—some of whom I hadn't seen in many years and many conversations with new friends. It was healing and affirming for all of us, and I am so grateful.

Davidson College Class of 1986, "3rd Rich" our freshman year: Monicah McGee, Ann Dash, me, and Alice Nelson.

Folk Alliance International 2017

I recently attended the International conference for folk musicians in Kansas City. Wow. Hundreds of musicians, DJs, media, and industry folks (@2,600 folks total)! Music and meetings everywhere (3 floors of the hotel alone were the private music showcases in each individual room which went on into the wee hours of the morning). My mentor, Si Kahn, was honored with a "Spirit of Folk" award for his half century of advocating for civil rights, worker's rights and numerous other justice issues. I was honored to play for his Musicians' United to Protect Bristol Bay showcase just before the incomparable Missy Raines performed (man can she rock that stand-up bass). The theme of this year's conference was "Forbidden Folk" which inspired a breadth and depth of performances. I played my song "Saving the Whales" in honor Si's nonprofit trying to prevent destruction of last great salmon spawning area in Alaska from a gold and copper mine. I heard so many amazing artists. Here's a random list of folks you might enjoy looking up: 

• Korby Lenker singing his song about Sitting Bull ("Last Man Standing")
• My friend Sam Gleaves (whose 1st album Peggy Seeger said was "stunning") backing up John McCutcheon  on his song "Y'all Means All".
• Legendary jazz, folk and blues singer Barbara Dane (whom I had a friend compare me to) still grooving at 90.
• Artist and Producer Alex Wong whom I heard 3 times (loved his "alien baby" and 20 faces songs).
• Inuit throat singing and "soulful Metis blues" from Quantum Tangle.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea! So many wonderful artists out there fighting cynicism (which key note speaker Billy Bragg called our biggest enemy) through song and advocacy.

Opening for Creative Mornings Charlotte

I enjoyed a musical moment with Charlotte's creative community by sharing my song "Play Me." Don't miss Dan Hood showing off his musical chops on electric guitar. Dan arranged this song (which I had written for jazz piano) into a 12-bar blues for guitar.

You always remember your first time

February 1st, 2017, 11:30am in the birthplace of Bono and William Butler Yeats (Dublin, Ireland) my first radio airplay by Sean Brophy of 103.2 Dublin City FM. He mentions my name at the top of the show in a lineup with Fairport Convention (Sandy Denny) and the Oscar nominated song from La La Land (sung by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone). Esteemed company. Listen to Sean’s entire entertaining and diverse show by clicking the play button above or going to the mixcloud page here . Charlotte, NC and Bob Malone (who played piano) get a shout-out in the intro to my song “Keep on Talking” at 49:10.  Many thanks to Alexis Bruce (my manager), Chris Rosser (recorded and mixed the cd) and the folks at Gat3 studios for their work on the song. 

The Beauty We Create Together...

The "Something True EP Release Party" in December was a heart-warming reminder of how a community of people can support and encourage each other. Levin Chaskey captured the songs and the mood  in the video below, Cheryl Hoover sang backup, Chris Rosser (who recorded, mixed and played on the cd) contributed his talents, fellow songwriters, artists, poets, professors, family, and neighbors attended and celebrated with me. Many thanks to Alexis Bruce and Charlotte Star Room for hosting. (Don't miss the video shot of the sketch my neighbor—whom I've known since she was born—drew of me that evening!)

Something True EP now on sale!

You can buy the EP straight from me (send me an email at info@katieoatesmusic.com), from my website via cdbaby (go to music page), or your favorite online source. Also available from your favorite streaming sources.

EP Concert with Chris Rosser: December 16 in Charlotte, NC

Singer/songwriter/producer and multi-instrumentalist Chris Rosser (who recorded my EP and a full cd of original songs premiering early next year) will be in town on December 16 to help launch my 5-song EP. Everyone on my email list is getting access to a free stream and download of the title track (available now) and a free EP (available next week). If you aren't already on my email list, sign up before December 16th and I will send you the link! Details of the concert are on my schedule page. Thank you so much for your support.

Photo by Levin Chaskey, cd graphics and design by Matthew Fleming

Edge of a Hurricane

On the day hurricane Matthew hit North Carolina, I was up in Asheville (which just barely caught the edge of the storm). I was walking along the French Broad river in the Olivette neighborhood when I came across a couple getting married. It was just the two of them, the minister, and a photographer. I was so struck by their deciding to get married even in the middle of a storm; they seemed so frail but also strong--choosing love no matter what the sky might portend. I wanted to sing something for them, but I couldn't think of what I would sing, even though I have sung for many weddings over the years. Right then and there I decided to write a song about that moment. As I searched for ideas, the larger metaphor of how dangerous and frightening our world is today loomed larger and larger in my imagination. I recorded this demo at the end of October as I finished up writing, so I could have a record of the song in progress; flawed though it is, here on 11/9 (the day after the 2016 election) I thought it was important to send out some light. No matter who you voted for or what your political bent, I think we can agree that the level of anger and alienation in our country is frightening. It has made me question whether the political experiment of democracy as practiced in our diverse country (made up primarily of immigrants who have been here only a few hundred years or less) can survive. It is in our darkest storms that we have to shelter each other—choose love. My daughter just turned 18 and voted with me in this last election. As I prepare to send her out into this dangerous world, I dedicate this song to her—and to all those who are frightened and despairing. 

STACY AND ERIC WERNER’S HOUSE CONCERT IN MISSOULA

My friend Stacy Jennings Werner and her husband Eric hosted a house concert for me in Missoula, Montana with local musician John Floridis. If you’ve ever thought of hosting or attending a house concert for a musician, I hope these pictures will encourage you! It’s an intimate, special evening. (All photos by Jack Oates.)

My sister, Nancy Spragins, flew over from Seattle for the concert (and, as always, was a huge help to Stacy and great source of moral support for me).

Lots of great food including cherished family recipes (my grandmother's caramel cake!)

Tuning up and getting ready to play.

From left my cousins (Gingy & Peter Heyler, sister Nancy, and my Mom) along with other friends and neighbors made a great listening crowd

The concert was live-streamed by Western Montana's Facebook page. You can watch it (in two parts) on my Facebook Music Page

John and I played for 3 hours. One heck of an audience (40 or so in Missoula and 9,000 watching all over the world) stayed with us for most of the concert.

Stacy, John and me basking in the glow…..        Stacy and Eric…the hosts (and friends).

Pictures from Connecticut Environmental Songwriting Event

I had a great time meeting the folks from the Connecticut Songwriters Association including President and Grammy-winning songwriter, Bill Pere, Kay Pere, Jan Gillies, Doug Hendren (whom I met at John McCutcheon's songwriting retreat), and...

grand-prize winner Jane Fallon (my roommate at Ellis Paul's songwriting retreat!).

"Saving the Whales" top 10 finalist in CSA songwriting contest!

Delighted to announce that my song, "Saving the Whales" is a top 10 finalist in the Connecticut Songwriting Association's Environmental Contest and will appear on the compilation cd. I will perform at an event on September 10 at Coogan's Farm in Mystic, CT along with the winners and other finalists (my roommate, Jane Fallon, at the Ellis Paul Songwriting Retreat won the Grand Prize!). Details and tickets here if you live in the area!

RELATED SHOW

• Artist: Katie Oates
• Date: 09/10/16
• Time: 3:30pm
• Venue: Coogan Farm
• City: Mystic , CT
• Country: US
• Age restrictions: All Ages

Fall into the Words

Poet and friend, Lisa Zerkle, believes poetry belongs to everyone, so she conceived a way of merging poetry and art and displaying it in places where everyone can read and enjoy it. Her project, 4x4CLT, has been given a home at the newly-formed Charlotte Center for Literary Arts where Kathie Collins, Paul Reali, and Lisa have been supporting creative writers of all kinds (including me).

I am delighted to be bringing some music to their fall party which will be held in Plaza Midwood (behind Pure Pizza) on Saturday, September 3 of Labor Day weekend: beer, pizza, and poetry. No stuffy reading here from poets Jessica Jacobs and Nickole Brown, (in fact, please leave the kiddos at home)….

Kicking up my heels with "Katie and the Wild Oates"

I have been enjoying collaborating as with Tom Hanchett, Mark Larson and Paul Walker as "Katie and the Wild Oates" this summer at various venues. Thank you to Daniel Coston for this picture of us at Great Aunt Stella Center. Here's a compilation video (shot and edited by Wes Cobb) at our last gig:

Video of title song of my upcoming cd: "Something True"

 If you've ever been to the Northwest of the United States, you know how precious water is. Even in places people think of as rainy (like Seattle), the quantity of rain is much less than most cities in the Eastern United States get. A few summers ago I was driving across a long wide stretch of prairie and saw a thunderstorm way off in the distance. There was a dark line extending underneath the length of the storm system, and I realized the rain was evaporating before it could reach the earth: all that parched land, water just above and none of it reaching ground. It reminded me of the way we want so badly to connect to the people we love the most--and how often we fail. (Video by Wes Cobb.)

Throwback Thursday at Loray Mill

Photo by Erin L Hubbs Photography

Looking forward to playing at Loray Mill on Thursday, June 2, 6pm with Tom Hanchett and Cheryl Hoover. Beautiful, historic setting (See Charlotte Observer article about mill renovation here.)!